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Relationships Require Work: Making A Rant Sensible

Peace. A couple of people who follow me on Twitter asked me to consolidate my overlong rant on love, relationships and such. I realize I was tweeting a bit much but I was in a moment where I needed to get this off my mind. I will share the process behind the rant and offer more elaborate thoughts as they come.

Peace,

Below I will share this past Sunday’s rant in cascading order on Twitter followed by some explanation to the root of it all and what manner of discussion points I intend to try to have later. Follow along…

“Relationships are fine things to have & work on but they do not complete you if you’re broken, lost or not trying to get whole for self.”

“I’d rather be all the way alone working on the self than being someone’s warm body or using someone else for the same reason.”

“Relationships take work & trust & if you don’t pave a pathway in order for the work to happen, of course they fail. We gotta work harder.”

“you don’t NEED a relationship as much as you NEED self to be whole. Start with the root (self) before branching out to others. Seriously.”

“I am amazed at how long some of us wallow in the shallow waters of a failing relationship out of the fear of loneliness. That is ludicrous.”

“& to those who want a relationship to survive, FIGHT for it as hard & fast as we love to flee! We love to quit, stop, give up. No fight.”

“I’ve said often that relationships are inherently difficult & the reasons are typically a lack of union/communication/direction.”

“To right the ship of a failing relationship, one just has to remember that it began in tandem & must be repaired/worked on in tandem.”

“No relationship is perfect. Hollywood got it f*cked up. The real world teaches us that loving someone TAKES EFFORT. Loving self does too.”

“So if you have a relationship worth the fight, get off your ass & fight. If it’s done, don’t stick around for “attention”. MAKE A CHOICE!”

“The simple question must be asked: do you love yourself enough to be by yourself in order to complete the work needed to be loved properly?

“How many of us are in trysts/time-wasting situations masked as relationships? How is that helping you? How are you growing? It’s silly.”

“Simply, relationships of ALL sorts require that each of the involved inject their full selves into the situation, never masking their truth.”

“When I say masking, I’m simply saying don’t hide who or what you are. Don’t smile in the face of a person you’re not fully in to.

“When I say mask, don’t just keep a person around for sex or a date to the picture show or someone to get the tab. BE REAL about the thing.

“Don’t use anyone. Don’t be used. Don’t dress up a relationship to be more than it is when it isn’t. Don’t hide your full self. Lift the mask”

“If you love someone, love all of them, not just the parts that benefit your needs. Love their flaws & imperfections too. Build with them.”

“When you love someone, you don’t let an issue fester. You don’t let that blister become an ulcer of malcontent. YOU FIX IT if you LOVE them.”

“When you love someone, you don’t let an issue fester. You don’t let that blister become an ulcer of malcontent. YOU FIX IT if you LOVE them.”

“Look. Work on the love of self before you try to work on the love with others. I don’t just mean romantic situations either. ALL love.”

“If you claim to love self & others, then do the work required to keep the connections healthy & beneficial to all. Love is best in tandem.”

“But while loving partnerships/unions/friendships are indeed peace, NEVER EVER stop focusing the most of that love on the self. Keep growing.”

“‘m off to go enjoy my day, work on the love of myself so I can be a better servant to the world & to those I love. But before I go…”

“In our culture, we see Love as being a very high form of Understanding. So again I ask, do you Understand yourself? Do you?”

“Oh before I go, this ain’t gender “pacific”. Women do the hunter-gatherer thing just like men do. Cut that dumb shit out. We’re losing.”

“Don’t think Men are the only ones incapable of being alone/by themselves/hurting people. Women do that shit in droves.”

“And my precise point to both genders: STOP HURTING EACH OTHER AND BEGIN LOVING EACH OTHER!”

“i’m so sick of the man/woman line in the sand drawing. It’s so trite & typical to pit ourselves against each other. WE NEED EACH OTHER!”

“I’m tired of the divisive men do this/women do that bullshit. where does it get us? Where’s the building taking place?”

“We’re not going to grow as a human family if we continue to hold on to silly archaic notions about love & gender. We need to grow up.”

Now, I know that is a lot up above but in Twitter form, it didn’t seem like such a flood of thoughts but I realize it is. What triggered the words — and I apologize to my friend — was a story my homegirl told me about her relationship and how her boyfriend had begun to treat her. I was talking to her and trying to keep her on the path of peace and being a friend when I guess my own issues and thoughts about things of this nature began to surface. I can admit to writing from a point of my own past hurts and a very empathic place of sensing the hurt of a good friend that I care about. Then you factor in the fact that so many relationships (of all kinds) have seasons, issues and bumps…it makes it difficult to not notice and be effected by it all.

I suppose going forward, anyone who wants to add on or discuss where I was coming from can do so here. I think I’m mostly clear in my statements above and that they shouldn’t require deeper explanation but if it does, I’m willing to work it out for the good of knowledge. Twitter forces you to be concise and brief and if you know how chatty I can be, this is something you should be thankful for. However, a deep undercurrent of hurt is present in a lot of so-called loving relationships, friendships and partnerships. Some of us are not doing the work it takes to make a real balanced relationship a tangible reality. It all begins with the honesty with self and the will to do the hard work that follows.

I hope this helps someone and we can really get some discussion going. If not, I hope the words helped someone.

Peace.

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2 Responses

  1. “I’d rather be all the way alone working on the self than being someone’s warm body or using someone else for the same reason.” <—My resolve for 2011. So far, so good. But, I'm only one month in. Ask me how i feel in April.

    "However, a deep undercurrent of hurt is present in a lot of so-called loving relationships, friendships and partnerships" <— Although I feel like I'm open, honest, and happy (most of the time), I've been told twice by two men that my wall is too high and I'm bitter…even though they've both admitted I've never been ugly/mean to them or anyone we know. They say it's mostly my reactions to compliments and flirts. That being said, realizing I'm carrying around ALOT of issues from previous relationships that I still haven't let go of. Which is why that first quote from you that I pointed out was ok with me. For awhile. Being a wam body for someone. Means I didn't have to deal with hurt. Until I got hurt when I realized I wanted more than what I was giving. For the sake of my own heart, and for the sake of any hearts that find themselves in my possession, I've declared 2011 a no dating/no sex year. Unless I'm approached by a spectacular someone, which I find extremely unlikely at the moment…hold on…I forgot my point. Dangit.

    Carry on…

  2. interesting read. the sad thing is, for most people, your rants make sense. it’s just hard to apply it

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