Peace. I promised myself I’d blog more and fill this space up with my thoughts. Hopefully I can connect myself with some of you. Maybe one day, I’ll connect with you all. Do know I write for me (most days) but I hope to share a part my process and progress with those who choose to read this.
Three scant days into the new year and I’ve not let anyone or anything from my past to enter my mind negatively. I believe part of that is I can’t and don’t do well with holding on to pain and regret or those sorts of things. For me, the thoughts of hate and abhorring morph into ulcers of malcontent. I don’t need that residing inside me and I’m astounded that hurt lasts so long for some people.
I used to have some really pointed thoughts about my past relationships and I won’t say they can’t resurface, but those women really don’t matter to me anymore. It’s amazing how they don’t even cross my mind. I used to be so obsessed with the idea of them and now? It’s like they never existed to me. I wonder if that’s age or how I’m mentally made up. But I can assure you, the women I’ve loved and lost for whatever reason have ceased to factor into my day to day. I don’t even feel like thanking them for any lessons I’ve learned because hurt isn’t paramount on either side. I can say I was plenty hurt to have lost the women I’ve loved. I know I wanted things to be a lot more stellar than they were. Whatever didn’t work, whether through my fault or theirs, it just happened and I hope (most days) they’re doing well.
I’ve been on Twitter hard in the last few months, and Facebook even harder. I know why I use those sites as I do. They offered distraction and engagement with a public I somehow come to connect with and have little in common with sometimes all at once. I am able to, in short bursts, say a lot in a little bit of space. I’m sure it’s been hell on my productivity, although I still get my day and side work done in record time. I’m finding that Social Media has stunted my ability to get out and do what I’d rather do, which is meet people face to face. It’s so easy to tweet or hit post or send. I truly require a more organic approach to conversation. It’s sorely lacking in today’s times.
I want(ed) to leave Twitter but the opportunity to engage people is attractive. The same can be said about Facebook. I love the access and the immediacy. What I don’t like is the time sucking aspect and the posturing and foolish debates held daily on the mediums. I just like good sensible conversation. I can even get with a heated debate because people are pure as hell in their anger. I still think that if I don’t leave fully, I will have to lessen my presence as I work on my writing, finish a second book and focus clearly on my other tasks. I don’t lag behind too much (depending on who you ask) but I do know I have more to do and focus on.
Going forward in 2011, I want to be a better friend, partner, associate, brother, father, cousin, uncle, confidant and ally to all that are deserving. I am leaving my anger of 2009 and 2010 in the back of my mind and choosing light over darkness. I am wishing everyone, even my enemy or detractors, success in their endeavors. I am continually claiming victory over my enemies, hence I can wish my enemies said success without worry or failure. This is the way I have to be and the way I will choose. I wish all of you the same peace, clarity, wisdom and strength as well.
With Peace In My Heart,