Peace. Just a few words about the season’s changes and what I’ve learned and am learning as a result. I’m actually just getting out what I feel in my head. Big shout to my dunn for life Young H, the greatest bro I’ve had in years.
I think most people who know me well realize I’m not incredibly fond of the season of Spring. I deal with the extremes of crippling allergies, the implosion of insects, the loss of the welcome chill I’ve come to love in the air….it’s just not that fantastic to me. However, it seems like everyone else in the free world loves this time of year and it’s not hard to notice why. It IS warmer. It IS sunnier. There IS lots more to do. Plus, the days are longer. I totally get the appeal. Then you add in the fact many people have been cooped up for weeks on end due to cold weather, and it just creates a bursting swell.
I was out in Black Hills Park in Maryland yesterday with family and I recognized that I’m really not used to change. I thought back to my youth and I realized that I’ve always been a person of routine. Now, that doesn’t mark me a responsible chap (as anyone who knows me can attest that I’m not always). But it does let me know that I’ve always gotten quickly acclimated to certain things. I get so caught up in the day to day of work, relationships, friendships and the like that any change to me seems abrupt. What lesson I’ve recently learned is that I can’t take it personally and I have to remove myself from the equation at times.
Nothing is static, that’s what I’ve had to tell myself for the last few days. Even with everyone around me enjoying themselves and gleeful, I was going deeper into a depression and desperation fueled by my fear of change. I wanted access to certain things and people to not falter. I wanted the cold to stay longer, if not forever. I didn’t want my (new) job’s responsibilities to change as I just gotten used to a routine there as well. It was making me frantic and I was feeling the world crash down on me. But yesterday, something snapped. Well actually, I was fine after Wednesday afternoon/evening and even better Thursday and Friday. I suddenly let go of my need for repetition. I accepted the changes around me.
It was at that park yesterday watching the sky (and getting a hell of a tan to boot) that took a deep breath and said “It’s Going To Be OK”. I really feel so much more at peace. I’m not ready to live it up in the sunshine yet, and I never will be. In fact, I usually abhor barren trees but now I’m going to miss them but I’ll hike among them and love them as before. I’ll be happier and more full of life and even more accepting of life’s bumps and bruises. I’m dedicating myself to changing right along with the world around me — hopefully for the better.