Peace. I would like to warn that this following entry is not intended for audiences under the age of 18 as I will be linking sites not appropriate for those under that age. If there’s a way to put a warning link to this entry, please comment and let me know. I wanted to write about this for a while but didn’t have the proper inspiration — until now. Please follow along and chime in if you dare.
Sometimes, life hands you inspiration for your writing in ways you couldn’t dream of even. In fact, I decided that I would never write about something as potentially banal as hand jobs in this space but after witnessing the infomercial for a new weight-loss product called Shake Weight, there was no way I wasn’t going to speak on it. First of all if you haven’t clicked the links yet (and you’re hopefully at home and not at work when viewing it), please do. I dare you to express your mind’s first reaction to seeing the product in action. I’ll go on and flat out say that I became 12 years old again and giggling like the pre-teen I was then when I saw the commercial.
It’s funny that I’m writing about this because I was approached by a friend of a friend who wanted me to write a piece about kids “hooking up” and how that culture has graduated into girls avoiding the trouble of performing oral sex and just using hand manipulation (but there’s a deeper issue that I may write about going on in this space as well). That correlation of hand jobs being an act only young people do has stuck with a great number of my peers — thus deeming hand jobs a pretty tame segment of the sexual activity totem pole. It wasn’t until I reached my late 20s until I received a hand job. I didn’t even do much of the solo action until about then so for me, this was just a new and exciting piece in the sexual puzzle. My teenage years are laughably tame compared to the youth of today.
If you’re reading this and you don’t want to learn intimate details of my sexual life, I suggest you stop reading here because I’m about to open Pandora’s Box. I prefer the hand job to the blowjob and it is simple as being able to arrive from one and not the other. Blowjobs are awesome. I really do enjoy them but it’s difficult for me to relax enough to enjoy the moment to completion. Hand jobs are way more involved, pleasurable, and there may be something about being in a submissive and passive state that works for me. I’ve been told that I’m a fool for my preference or that I haven’t ran into the “right one” — whatever that means. People just like what they like, right?
Hand jobs have come a long way, as shown by this guide here (NWS): Handjob Advice – yeah, it’s slightly corny, but the videos offer some really great tips. In the realm of Internet porn , the decade-long (and running) antics of Wifey and Hubby have been highlighted on the married couple’s site — and much of the scenes involve Wifey performing hand jobs on her husband. The Internet’s HJ rabbit hole goes deep with sites like Handjob Domination and CFNM (Clothed Female Naked Man culture. It even gets a little obsessive on long-running message boards like The Hetero Hand Job Fan Club.
The Hand job has come a long way, no pun intended. I think it’s just as vital as any other act of sex. It’s also relatively safe and easy to perform. I find it baffling that hand jobs have been demoted to elementary status and frowned upon given all the variety the act provides. Sure, it’s a little one-sided but I don’t think it renders reciprocation a dead act. I’ll remain a strong advocate for the HJ and I hope I haven’t lost you as a reader — you must know that this is not my usual fare here. But the video I mentioned at the start of the piece tugged at my brain until I couldn’t avoid it any longer.
Here’s to healthy discussions about sex and all of its wonderful variety.