I’m using this entry to kind of drum up dialouge amongst a vast pool of eyes/ears. I’ve spoken to a lot of my straight or bi female friends, ex-GFs, old lovers, and women I’ve dated about sexuality only to discover there’s a thread. They all seemed to prefer how women looked, felt, made them feel, etc. They connected better with women (emotionally). They found (emotional) intimacy easier with women. They appreciated women but they (mostly) dealt with men save for a few random late nights or a fling or two. I asked them was it a matter of following hetero-sexist norms or was it just how it ended up.
I have a few feminist/womanist friends who told me that they prefer women but date men because “men are easier to mold/make/adapt to”. Another set of women told me that they have sex with both women and men but mostly out of a sense of a need for extra stimulation (their admission). Another set of women said they hated/weren’t as interested in men’s bodies but preferred the act of penetration overall so they “dealt with men” on that merit. I had a discussion with a woman recently who has/had a secret affair with her married female friend (who’s happy with the man she has and with children). Yet my friend keeps her distance because while the friend’s husband doesn’t care, my friend considered it cheating and thus cut contact.
This same friend said she loves men and that they bring her pleasure and she can’t see herself with anyone but a man. She’s also a PK (preacher’s kid) and daughter of a “heathen mother” (her words). Yet, she’s drawn automatically to women, has mostly female friends, surrounds herself mostly with women and finds more contentment overall with her female friend base versus her male friend base. I asked her why that is and she didn’t readily have an answer but I took it to mean she was definitive in her needs and wants. She clearly knows herself and said she knows she’ll end up in a nuclear family situation because, in her words, “it feels like that’s what I’ve always wanted anyway”.
That’s the crux of this entry. I find women I meet are succumbing to hetero-sexist norms to “keep the peace”, whatever that means. I know that my LBGTQ friends talk about their relationships and that the same issues that plague heterosexual relationships are just as prominent in their lives as well. I want to know why is it so tough for women to display the dichotomy and wide scope of their sexuality? We all know some of the reasons why it’s tough for men to do so (given patriarchy’s overreaching glare in our world and homophobia). I’m interested in hearing more from women and I think I’ll eventually flesh this out to a larger piece one day. Perhaps Ink and I can turn this into a show of sorts.
I’ll also try to do this same entry from the angle of men as well, although I know very few gay/bi men. I know there are feminist/womanist supporting men out there who have things to share as well. I also want to offer my own take on all of this information I’ve been absorbing of late. Lots to talk about in the coming days.
Thanks for reading.