Peace. In light of the Tiger Woods scandal and the very public unraveling of his family’s personal affairs, I’ve decided to talk about this common thread that says we should treat marriage, monogamy and love differently. I’ll get into it below.Peace,
The unfortunate revelation that Tiger Woods was not faithful to his wife highlighted one of this country’s biggest truths: even those who seemingly have it all will step outside of that. Now, this isn’t an attack on Woods nor a defense of his wife’s assault on him although I do recognize her anger well. I’ve seen the same thing happen with my philandering father and my mother. But more on that in a moment. I have many peers and friends who claim that because of Tiger’s wealth and the risks involved of losing much of that, he should have approached his wife about his need to be with other women; i.e. ask for an “open relationship”. Just writing that made me chuckle slightly because you and I both know he couldn’t just do that.
Even the most sexually liberated of us can be conditioned (and come to prefer) to mate and pair off eventually. The idea of polygamy/polyandry/polyamory is great on paper and yes, many other cultures beyond the Western ones seem to understand its necessity. However, it’s not the most realistic ideal and I’ll maintain that stance to the end. I write this knowing I’ve both willingly entered into open deals before (and it didn’t end stellar on my end in one case in particular) and with the idea that I’d do it again because now I’m a little more aware of my limits and failings. My issue with relationships of all sorts (besides marriage) is the theme of “ownership” or possession. To that point, I find that my female peers view a man’s need for openness is to have frivolous sex and available options. I find that when women speak of their desire for open relationships, it’s about the same but with the added piece that their connections will have more emotional base.
I don’t know if I agree with that, but I find that distinction slightly irritating because everyone likes company, everyone likes sex and, if we’re honest, everyone likes variety (if you’re in that mode). There’s nothing wrong with committed relationships or marriage — both fine constructs of our humanity. But we should look to the idea that people have a need to love on a broader scale than the 2-unit usual we’ve come to expect. I don’t think any of us who aren’t in open relationships can directly speak to the possibility of said relationships without injecting a ton of our own personal politics into them. It is a world that those who are uninitated will never fully grasp.
My parents’ relationship would have been saved by the open relationship ideal, if my mother is actually speaking her truth. Like most Scorpios I know, my mother is brutally honest, loyal and fierce. She told my father, straight up she says, that if he tells her what he needs as far as other women that she would have allowed it — with rules of course. She didn’t want to not be married and she did love my father. She also knew his need for variety well from the onset. She knew what she signed up for and was willing to adjust and/or explore the options. But of course, he wasn’t honest and they split up so this is all lofty speculation at this point.
I think open relationships are safer bets with people who are married or fully into the idea of being romantically committed to each other. If you’re in a relationship quandary or it’s close to being rocky, the last thing anyone needs to be doing is adding more to the mix. It’s an interesting mix. I’d like to hear from readers or random visitors about their experiences on this or maybe a story you’ve heard regarding the topic. I find the idea fascinating but I’m also pretty realistic. We all have boundaries and limits and it’s not necessary to test them all the time. I do believe talking about this so-called taboo things does a lot to inform the senses.
Thanks for reading.