Peace. This is part 2 from an earlier entry I made. I wanted to show balance and display how I’ve often advised my two oldest sisters (one of which is graduating college next spring) and my female friends. I hope you’ll enjoy and gain something out of it.
For some crazy reason, my female friends say I give good advice when it comes to dating. I don’t know if I do or don’t but I try to express fully my thoughts on what could or could not work. As I’ve said before, I’m nobody’s expert on this and I definitely have plenty more to learn myself. But below are some general things I’ve shared in the past.
1. Date, Date, Date, and Date Some More
I believe firmly in going out and doing it often, especially if someone’s offering the idea up. So if men are asking you out, and they’re the kind of person you’re into or could envision a good time with, what’s the harm in a date? It’s not going to unveil anything instantly except a conversation and you getting to know a person. I know this is a super obvious bit of advice, but you’d be surprised at how many women I know that do not go out for whatever reason. It’s the age of yes, so say yes when the feeling hits you. Don’t let your fears or assumptions cloud your judgment. The best way sometimes is to dive in and see what this person is all about.
2. View Each Situation As A New Thing
Believe it or not, the male gender is not a group of monolithic, Borg-like thinkers. While there does exist some measurable sameness among us, we’re definitely varied. It isn’t fair to go into a situation or relationship or even a date with assumed notions of this person’s character. As I always say, time reveals all you need to know. Of course be consistently aware but don’t do it to the point of muting that person’s potential. Assumptions are terrible things to gauge people by.
3. Deal With Your Baggage Before You Reveal Your Baggage
Seems simple, doesn’t it? But as we all know, it is one of the more trying things in dating and relationships. Now, as with part 1, a lot of the advice I typically dispense applies to everyone. This is no exception. We all have a past, a history and a series of influences that’s made us who we present to others. But we also learn how to mask things and hide huge parts of ourselves behind the guise of appearing normal. To bring your issue to someone’s door (and especially without warning or prep time) is one of the most unfair things a person can do. If you have some manner of inner turmoil, make sure it doesn’t affect anyone else. And most of all, deal with it and love yourself.
4. Lowered Expectations Can Lead To Surprises
Now I know people tend to think that lowering one’s expectations is a sign of defeat but I’m here to express to you that it’s far from it. I always believed that if you dialed down the expectations, it can make the promise of surprise that much more of a reality. If you go in expecting nothing but hoping for the best, you usually win in the end — even if it didn’t work out. The goal in this excercise is to be observant, and not expectant. The rewards are yours for the taking should they come.
5. Enjoy Yourself So That Others Can Enjoy You & Be Honest About It All
This is similar to what I said in point 5 in my post dedicated to men on this very subject. Just remember to love yourself without fear and realize you’ll always be a work in progress. Let humility temper your ego but do let confidence swell inside you as well. There is a way to balance that and present your best self to anyone who hopes to benefit. We all date for different reasons. Some do it to find potential life mates, some do it for fun, some do it for sex, some do it to pass time. Whatever your reasons, make sure your dates are in on the process. As I said in the part 1 post, don’t hide the ball. Let people know their value to you early on so that they can decide how they best fit into your life. Don’t abuse the privilege of being catered to or cared for or treated well.
And there you have it, folks. It’s not everything and it certainly isn’t a tell-all. I can even say I probably missed some key points but maybe I’ll be back with a part 3 that gets down to the real nitty-gritty. In fact, there may be a little talk show radio thingy in the future with me and another good friend that you all may want to check out. Perhaps we could use this as topic fodder.