Peace. I’ve learned a lot about deception in relationships and the evolution of one’s character plus the strange ways in which some things are full circle when it comes to the varying levels of all relationships. I speak from that place as a hetero male, but I know the web is just as tangled and fascinating among my LBGT friends. I hope some of you read this and relate too. Pardon my rambling, good people.
I’m not an expert on love and relationships and not every posting I put here around the subject is solely about me (although you can safely assume I’m a part of it somehow). But this particular series of thoughts have both troubled me and reminded me of my own failures in loving relationships. I learned in recent times that the last two years of my life, while not all terrible, was not a truly special thing. I will spare details because I simply am not that person that spills their guts on their blog for an amateur therapist to analyze. It illuminated the idea and thought I have about the imbalance of power in romantic/dating relationships.
I posed the question on Twitter to the female contingent on my follower list. I asked “women: do you realize how much power you have (or had) in your relationships?” and it wasn’t answered as much as my question to men that read “How quick are you to call a woman on her bullshit?” Now, I was obviously being provocative and hoping it’d create this windfall of discussion it typically does when I do relationship rants on Twitter. I didn’t rant this time. I really wanted to know where people where with this because of my own recent discovery. I have a few male friends who made excellent points and there were some great answers on the female side….but I felt like everyone muted themselves. To the question of power I posed to the women, I was essentially saying what I’ve always believed: a woman dictates the pace of most “healthier” hetero relationships in my experience. I find that much of what a woman wants or needs is easily obtained and offered. I’ve been socialized since a child to “take care” of a woman I date/love/am intimate with.
Hence the point of my posting this. How many lies have you told to keep a relationship happy? Why did you stay in a situation that didn’t work for you? Why did you cling to a person, only to eventually discard them after you’ve had your fill of them? Have you ever suffered through sex or intimate moments just to keep the peace? Do you think that it helped or hurt your situation? Why did you wear that mask?
I’m not exempt in doing some of the things I’m listing above but I bet money any woman I’ve dated saw right through it as I’ve had to do in my own situations. The funny thing about masks is that they don’t cover the whole face, they don’t mask the eyes, they don’t mute body language. The disjointed self you believe you’re hiding is always showing itself to the world. It always manifests itself in many ways. Sometimes, your partner or friends will know it too but they too wear a mask of indifference, of blindness, and things of that sort. Why do we never speak on the difficulties present in all relationships? Why are we rendered immobile on an obviously workable moment? I’m stuck at this place in my mind and I’ve had several discussions with my closer confidants. I still don’t have any answers.
Let’s hope we all remove those masks and become genuine again.