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A Small Debate Abt Sex, Porn, Etc.

Peace. I posted these questions on #thatsite (lol…those who know, know and no, I’m not hating on the place. Just poking fun.) and I was shocked to get some really serious answers. I’m opening this discussion up on the blog with a slightly expanded version. Please comment with your thoughts. I’d love to hear then. PEACE!

1. There’s an increasing sentiment that porn is degrading while some maintain that these are adults making adult choices. There’s no doubt many sides of the industry are indeed exploitative. However, many of the top-tier stars are seemingly in control of their destinies. Is it archaic to assume that porn is an evil construct of patriarchy or is it just entertainment? Discuss this how you will.

2. I pose this to the women. Why is masturbation from the male standpoint depicted among some of you as a barbaric act of self-gratification while comparably women masturbating is seen as releasing and one becoming familiar with one’s self? Is it because men usually tend to need and use visuals for their release and women can use internal memories and such? Is it the methods in which we have to achieve arrival at issue here?

3. For men, do you ever feel any measurable sense of guilt for your desires/viewing of porn/objectification (however “mild”) of women? How do you temper those feelings against your natural urges?

4. For women, do you find yourself being objectifying of men in porn or other mediums? Of course, the “eye candy” factor is highly imbalanced in adult films but there are some men of impressive build and such. Does it ever move anything primal inside of you? Are you constantly critical of porn because of skill or is that a nervous tactic to display a seemingly genuine disdain? Discuss it please.

 

Welp, that’s it. I hope we can get some good convo going on with this one.

Peace,

Wise

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8 Responses

  1. 1. As an enjoyer of porn, its a business. As long as the people involved are old enough to make the decision then why not. I don’t feel like much can be done on how people view it. Its their opinion and someone who will watch porn and say its degrading to women will have that same response to a whole lot of things. Besides the basic things you need to live, NOTHING is for everyone. You will never be able to please everyone so leave it there for those who are entertained by it. As long as free will is involved and no one (or animals for goodness sakes) are hurt in the process.
    2. I’m starting to see now I may be the wrong person to answer any of this because I’ve been told I think like a man. I dont see an issue at all with masturbation. Don’t know why anyone would. If you want to beat off. Go for it. Better if I get to watch *shrugs*
    4. Cant answer. I love porn. I dont feel degraded or objectified by anything. I don’t let outside sources influence how I feel about me at all. So I never see anything as a personal insult to myself. I just see it for what it is and what value (or lack thereof) that it has.

  2. 1. Its entertainment to me. There are times when the female performer seems to be a wee bit…’unwilling’ but still ‘willing’ like on some doing it for the rent type shit…which kinda makes me feel bad about watching it because it seems degrading. But that feeling is fleeting. Its a business, made to be enjoyed and I do just that. Sharing the sentiment from Li…every thang aint for everybody.

    2. I do at times but I mean as “evolved” as we want to fancy ourselves, those primal urges are part of what makes us both human & man. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I try not to let that “guilt” govern my natural instincts. Key word: try. In the long haul, I feel it might get in the way of my growing comfort/confidence in my sexuality.

    But then there are times when i ask “Is it even possible for me to champion the dual role of feminist/Mr Marcus?”

  3. I think that talking about sex in specific areas is still taboo. Pornography is, to me anyway, mere visual stimulation for the subconscious. I am not an avid watcher, but I have on occasion indulged a time or two and contrary to belief it was for the sole purpose to help stimulate myself for release. I think that those who believe masturbation, whether for men or women, is barbaric are just prudish. And there’s nothing completely wrong with that, but I feel that denying one something that is natural is barbaric. I have my boundaries like any other person; my only complaint is that sex should be taken more seriously than it is. It is as much of a responsibility as a pleasure. As far as the industry goes, I believe exploitation is natural. You have the commodity that’s in demand and we are going to sell it. I don’t believe anyone is going into this industry blind. You know basically what to expect. Women are, of course, objectified as sex objects…and we are fully aware of this. I think where the problem lies is when we lose control of the power. It’s like dangling fresh cuts of meat over a lion…we want to tease, but not feed. And when they pounce and devour we are left with no meat…and loss of limb.

  4. Peace,

    My answers:

    1. I tend to watch porn for very self-serving reasons. I do not know if I’m even enjoying myself half the time as much as I’m fascinated by the choices that are being made. However, I am not turned on by seeing a woman’s discomfort on screen so perhaps it’s safe to say I prefer to watch the performers really sell their profession and at least appear to be enjoying themselves. I don’t know, it’s such a tricky line to walk with porn.

    2. I asked that question because a number of women I’ve talked to seem to look down on those of us who self-pleasure as losers and/or addicted to the feeling. But oddly enough, I know a lot of women who masturbate as much (if not more) than my male counterparts.

    3. Here’s my typical struggle. I consider myself feminist (or at least feminist sensitive) and I am all about the equal balance between the genders. That said, I’m a heterosexual male and I have mostly healthy sex drive. So I know I’m looking at these films with lust in my eyes and little else. I’m trying my best at all times to balance the two. It becomes harder each time I indulge and perhaps that means I’m changing.

    4. I asked that question out of sheer curiosity and also with the knowledge that some of my female friends and associates have definitely said they look for the eye candy if nothing else.

    Thanks so for all the responses thus far.

  5. comments from my sometimes like-minded friend:

    1) When you compare amateur porn with professional porn (www.yuvutu.com vs. http://www.xhamster.com), there’s the subtext that the people in the amateur joints on some level care for each other. I don’t necessarily mean in the romantic sense, although that’s there – but you “feel” that after the scene they aren’t sending the chick away with 800 bucks and a cab.

    I think the capitalism element is really what figures out what the prurient interests are and capitalizes on them.

    As for the backlash against ghettogaggers/facialabuse type sites – it’s the kind of thing that I don’t watch, but it’s not like I haven’t met chicks that get off like that. Men are supposed to be sexual, but women…it never seems like society or okp can really deal with a woman using her sexuality all the way.

    3) No guilt towards women whatsoever. It’s the wasted time that gets to me.

    As for the “urges” – I’ve pulled out enough “I saw this in a porno” moves to reconcile that a lot of stuff looks good for the camera but doesn’t feel good in real life.

    For example, those Obsession-esque blow jobs? Everytime i’ve met a supahead type – the sensation is so good/overwhelming that I basically close my eyes…missing out on the whole visual aspect of it.

    Reverse cowgirl? That’s strictly for the camera.
    Same with side-saddle.

  6. 1. It is exploitative, but these are choices that these people made. It is for entertainment purposes, but still as taboo as prostitution.

    2. Masturbation is the same no matter the sex. The point of it is the same. How we “get off” shouldn’t matter or be looked at any different. It’s the people who say that they don’t masturbate that seem to have the most issues with this topic.

    3. N/A 🙂

    4. I like looking at attractive people. I’m not obejectifying a man by thinking he’s attractive anymore than I feel objectified by someone saying that I’m attractive. I like porn…kind of a lot so I don’t feel that there is anything wrong with getting turned on watching a guy have sex. I don’t feel anything negative about it. Being sexual is something that people don’t discuss openly which is why the porn industry makes the money it does and has the stigma that it does. I can only speak for myself but porn has done me more good than bad!!

  7. 1. Porn is entertainment. But since the bulk of the entertainment business is exploitative I don’t think there is any solution for it. Lots of people allow themselves to be exploited because they think they’ll be the next big thing.

    2. This puzzles me as well. In a conservative environment women are generally viewed as asexual or violently monogamous. I think it’s a derivative of the whole “being like the mother of Jesus” attitude that is pervasive in religious circles. So while it is okay for men to talk about sex and engage in it, women shouldn’t even know about it till marriage. The message got mixed up when the whole sex revolution happened – I think.

    3. Can I answer this even if I’m just a women coz I’m one of those purchasers of porn. I guess the general sentiment is that those women who are in front of the camera are okay with being objectified. It doesn’t seem to bleed into my perception when I’m not enjoying porn. However, I’m not a man.

    4. I’m not looking for men when I watch porn (hehehe). I’ve been curious about technique and seeing what’s happening to see if I can use it later. I am critical of porn though. Very critical. If the woman is pretend moaning psssshhh! I’m out!

  8. I’m really glad so many people participated in this discussion. I want to do a part two follow up eventually. I may advertise this some more on my Twitter/Facebook feeds to get more people talking.

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