Peace! Just a little ranting/raving from me about who I am as a man and what I’ll achieve as a man. Flaws and all. PEACE!
I realized this past Sunday afternoon that while I’m not over a lot of my past hurts, I resent anyone keeping me bonded to and identifying me by my mistakes and shortcomings. I am better than what I’ve shown others and I am NOT my past. I continually fight to see myself through my faults and work on ALL OF ME from the inside out. It angers me when people continue to keep me in the past, to remember only my bad parts, to disregard the large amounts of goodness I do possess. I absolutely hate that silent, sneering, unfair judgment people freely levy upon me. I do not accept nor regard those limited views of who I am. I look at those judges as my enemy and I will strike them down if need be.
I am always at work on myself and my situation. I don’t know exactly how I ended up this mess of a man. I could blame my parents but they did the best they could. I could blame my environment but I had to live where I did. I could blame a host of factors but I choose not to do so. I am who I am. I have innumerable gifts and goodness to share with the world that belie my faults. I want to be clear on that. I have something to show to those who doubt me. The mess is being cleaned up. I am tidying up my filthy corners. I am clearing the table for my greatness. I know my ascension is blocked by the enemies who seek to keep me at a basic level. I will “bare mi cutlass” and cut them down. I will feel no remorse for the dead and wounded I will leave in my wake.
We all have weak moments, we all fail, we all come up short. If we didn’t, how else would we learn to avoid life’s many pitfalls? I am closer to my heaven than I am to my hell. I have my enemies to thank for that. I claimed victory over those demons years ago and while it has taken some time, I see the clearing beyond the woods. I am much more than I’ve been. I have taken meandering paths where I should have taken the straight ones. I am not going to apologize to anyone but myself for not realizing my greatness and goodness sooner. It took so much for me to love myself, to regard myself, to validate myself. I don’t need anyone else but me. And if anyone wants to join my bandwagon party, they are very welcome.
I am at times not my best but I do know that I am many good, amazing things as well. But I am not perfect.
And I don’t want to be.
P.S. I was a little down earlier due to an overdue and very emotional phone convo and a general feeling of despair. After writing this, I feel 200% better. Thank you, blog. You’re a-ok with me.