Breaking Up Is (Not) Hard To Do

*Peace. I wrote this thinking about my past “relationsh*ts” (lighten up, it’s a joke), talking to friends (both male and female) and just building on it all. Please comment if the mood hits you.*

Peace,

I’ve had my fair share of relationships that have gone sour. I’ve had break ups happen with civility, and had others that were ended with little in the way of class or respect. I’m going to list a few “donts” below.

#1 – Don’t Break Up With Someone Over The Phone/Internet/Email

I know we live in the age of Gchat/AIM/IM/Email?Etc. But that’s the weakest way to end a relationship with someone and does nothing but foster contempt from the other person.  Do the person a solid and do it face to face like adults should. I don’t care how uncomfortable you are or how angry you are…if you loved that person once (and at the point of break up, you still should somewhat), you owe them that consideration. Why end things on such a loosely bonded note? That’s mighty weak of you.

#2 Be Fair And Give Warning Before You Drop The Bomb

Say your you and your partner  just came off a great weekend vacation full of sex, food, fun, etc…only to come home days later and get the “I’m done with this” talk WITHOUT FAIR WARNING! That’s unfair, emotionally cruel and flat-out callow. At least tell the person your issues and concerns. Don’t use the break up as the day to tell the person about themselves and why you’ve been so unhappy. OPEN YOUR F*CKING MOUTHS and TALK TO EACH OTHER. That way, it won’t be any hard feelings or contempt (expect to see that word again) or any of those sorts of feelings. BE FAIR and JUST. Don’t try to massage egos and broken hearts…just don’t be hot and cold. That’s just wrong.

#3 Don’t Break Up With Someone Before/During/After Dinner

You and your partner are at dinner and you drop that bomb on them after he/she just started in on the food. Breaking up with someone during a meal is a dumb f*cking idea. I don’t even have any scientific or really deep reason for it other than it will ruin the appetite of the person getting broken up with. Novel idea, right?  Just don’t do that, please.

#4 Try To Leave No Ends Opened If You Don’t Intend To Work On It

Please clear up any lingering issues, gather clothes/items and cash out any owed debts. If you do not intend to be friends or in contact or the break up was anything less than amicable (and because of what I’m listing, it usually is), DO NOT LET ANY STONE GO UNTURNED! That makes you nothing but bitter.

#5 Do Not Offer Friendship As A Consolation Prize

“We can still be friends on Facebook/Twitter. We can still call each other”. I literally overheard this on the Metro subway train a couple weeks past. As I’m known to say “F*CK AND OUTTA HEAH. ” That there? Man that really burns my toast. You’re breaking up with me but you’re dangling the friendship carrot? No. You don’t get to choose to be my friend just like I didn’t get to choose the f*cked up way you broke up with me. You see, the proper way to handle this is just be all the way the f*ck out and don’t look back. Don’t say “I don’t wanna lose you but I just don’t want you”. You’re demoting that person. You think that’s fair to be on some Bosom Buddy sh*t? Only if the break up is AMICABLE (and it rarely is) does friendship get offered.

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So there, friends. Yes, it is safe to assume that some of this was of my own experiences but I’m not alone. Breaking up with someone is always hard and there is no “right way” to do it. But there are fair ways, there are sensitive ways to do it. I believe if you loved someone enough to be with them in a monogamous relationship, you at least owe them the platform to hear and be heard. That way, we can all go our separate ways with no hard feelings, no unanswered inquiries and we can move on to healthier, more rewarding love. Basically, what i’m saying is, you don’t have to be a pure asshole to break up with someone. Just be real, be balanced, be fair.

PEACE